It’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything on here. So much for keeping up with my writing practice. I’d like to say I’ve been busy living life which is why I haven’t been writing much, but that is not the case. Mostly I’ve been struggling. Struggling with what you ask? Well, a lot of things really. Life, friendships, relationships, work…all of it. I am not happy. I am happy in the sense that I know I am blessed to have a job when so many are out of work. Happy knowing that having said job ensures me a place to live, food in my tummy and a car to get me where I need to go. Happy knowing I have people in my life that love me. The essentials are taken care of, but I can’t help feeling that there is something missing, that there is more out there which I haven’t experienced and wondering if I ever will. I feel as though I have lost control of my life and am drifting aimlessly.
I never quite got over the feeling that I gave up when I came back to CA from the east coast. Feeling like I gave up on myself, my dreams; feeling that I took the easy road instead of challenging myself. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life than I do that decision and I am not one to have regrets, it’s just not my style. The only one you can truly count on in life is yourself, and I can’t even count on me. It’s so frustrating. What is more frustrating though, is not knowing how to get out of this rut. When you let yourself down, how can you trust yourself to get back on track?
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