OK, so I’m going to vent now. Last night my friend decided that we needed to go to the movies. I’m not a big movie person and typically dislike GOING to the movies more than I dislike the movie itself. Anyway, we went to the movies and we saw House Bunny (a ridiculously brainless movie, but it made me laugh). The audience in the small theater was 98% under 17 and they were LOUD! When the previews started and they were still talking I knew it was not going to be pretty. There was a group of kids that WOULD NOT stop talking. The guy and his girlfriend next to them asked them to be quiet, we complained to the manager and he talked to them, I hollered at them and still they continued to talk. I know that teenagers will be teenagers, but honestly when did kids completely lose respect for others?
I started thinking about that question realized that I knew the exact moment when it occurred. The moment it became against the law to smack a mouthy kid across the mouth for talking back to his parent, society became doomed. We in effect created a generation of children who believe that they don’t have to listen to or respect those around them. They were never taught to respect their parents, so why should they respect anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t condone child abuse; however I do believe that there are some children who don’t respond unless you do physically reprimand them. With some children all you have to do is give them a look and they know that they need to correct their behavior, but others well they just need a good spanking.
The parents that cater to their child’s every whim; the parents that cower when their children yell at them; the parents that allow their children to tell them what they’re going to do instead of asking permission; the parents that do not reprimand or punish their children; the parents that do not have rules for their children, these are the parents that I just don’t understand. What service are you doing to your children? How are you helping them to become contributing members of society? How are you sitting in your homes complaining about how much violence there is in the world? How are you angered at selfishness? Do you not see that you are contributing to the problem? You are raising selfish, angry children who expect to be given whatever they want and if it isn’t given to them then they will just take it. By believing your child can do no wrong, you raise a child that won’t take responsibility for their actions. By allowing your child to yell at you and tell you how things are, you raise a child that has no respect for you or other adults. By allowing your child to do whatever they want with no rules or repercussions, you raise a child that believes there are no rules and can do whatever they want regardless of the effect it might have. I’m not implying that we should raise minions who do not think for themselves, but regardless of what your opinions are there should be an underlying level of respect and compassion for others.
No one is perfect, and sometimes regardless of how we raise our kids they turn into productive, successful, contributing members of society; or complete losers. Also at some point our kids grow up and they need to stop blaming their upbringing and take responsibility for the decisions they make. However, as parents we have an obligation to do the very best we can to provide our children with the tools they need to be adults. There is something to be said for ‘tough love’. While it’s not always easy to tell your kids no when you want to give them everything they want; it’s important that they understand we don’t always get what we want. We can’t be with them every minute of every day, but we can raise them to know how to behave when we aren’t there. We can teach them confidence, respect, honor, trust and honesty. If you’re asking how, the answer is simple: emulate it. If we want them to be confident; believe in them. If we want them to be respectful; show respect. If we want to show them how to honor; be honorable. If we want to show them how to trust; trust those who deserve to be trusted. If we want to show them how to be honest; be honest. If society has made you unsure of what those words really mean, visit www.m-w.com and look them up.
I’m no doctor or psychologist, and I’m certainly not perfect; but I am an adult, I am a parent and I do get irritated as all hell with kids who exhibit disrespectful behavior.
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While I agree with most of what you wrote, I don’t believe you need to use physical punishment to teach kids respect. I agree many parents out there do not parent, perfering the easy way of giving in then putting their foot down. Other than really little kids, I can’t see how a slap would actually affect a kid’s behavior. Yes, I’m a young mom, so I don’t have all the answers, and yes, my husband believes as you do. But my husband was raised with physical punishment (not abuse) when he stepped out of line, and he ran away at seventeen. It was years before he even spoke to his parents. He and his father still have a weird relationship in many ways. So I think there HAS to be a way to make kids be respectful than that kind of punishment.
But I totally understand how you feel because I will admit I have run into kids that I wanted to strangle and just put up some brovado to make them back down.